For years, I've carried pain as an unwelcome companion. It began with a head-on collision in 1998- surgeries, rehabilitation, and the slow work of learning to coexist with what remained. I fought back with determination: Pilates several times a week, swimming laps, walking 7-11 kilometres most days. I even walked three Caminos. I thought I'd won. I thought I'd learned how to live alongside the pain.

But life had other plans.

Arthritis crept into my joints. Surgeries accumulated. Then in 2020, a hip replacement went catastrophically wrong, leaving me with masses of pain and ongoing physical issues. A revision surgery in 2023 was technically successful, but the damage was already done -muscles torn beyond repair. And then, immediately post-surgery, a massive bleed triggered a brain stem stroke.

I found myself in intensive care, unable to speak or move. Slowly, I recovered, but the rehabilitation I desperately needed was delayed. The pain that remained was very specific, very real, and seemingly permanent.

The Spiral

Before the Pain to Peace program, my life was a cycle of desperation. Constant pain. Frustration and anger at what I'd lost. Anxiety and depression that fed on themselves. I became a person I didn't recognize - driven, striving, pushing myself relentlessly to maintain some semblance of my old life, to prove I was still capable, still whole.

But the pushing always led to the same place: burnout. Days, sometimes weeks, couch-bound or bed-ridden, imprisoned by pain. Insomnia stole my nights. I tried everything -counseling (which did help), prescription medications, Pilates, physiotherapy, myotherapy, chiropractic care, steroid injections, nerve ablations, braces and supports. Some helped. None were enough.

I was masking, pretending, isolating myself in my misery.

The Gift of Mandy

When I stumbled into the Pain to Peace program - literally at the last minute, before I could overthink and talk myself out of it - I met Mandy. She was exactly what I needed: someone who would challenge me, gently but firmly shift my perspective, and give me permission to give myself the gift of time.

The program required developing a daily practice habit. As a driven, striving high achiever, I made myself do it whether I liked it or not. And that, ironically, was exactly what I needed.

But something unexpected happened. I discovered I wasn't alone.

Finding My People

There was this wonderful group of women who were just as confused and messed up as me. For the first time in years, I no longer felt lost or isolated in my pain and damage. Mandy guided our sessions with skill and wisdom, keeping us on track, sharing valuable information, while also creating space for us to truly know each other.

Some of these women became real friends. We still meet weekly on Zoom - every Monday morning at 7am, spread across the east coast of Australia. We chat, share our news, then practice mindfulness together for about half an hour. By the end, we're utterly blissed out, full of love for each other and the world.

It doesn't get any better than that.

The Shift

I won't lie to you: my physical symptoms have changed very little. The pain is still there. The damage remains.

But my attitude toward them - and toward myself - has undergone a solid shift, one that's still evolving.

Day to day, I set time aside for practices twice a day, with very few exceptions. I attend a local meditation group once a week. And slowly, I'm learning to listen to my body and honour it. I'm recognizing that much of my pain comes from striving too hard, pushing myself toward unrealistic goals. I'm setting limits, spreading out active cycles, making allowances when I'm not traveling well.

It's very much a work in progress. I'm probably doing a bit "less of" rather than "more of" - and learning that's okay.

The Real Changes

The biggest impact has been on my mental and emotional health. I can now manage my anxiety and the depressive flares that come when I've pushed too hard. I recognize the triggers and take action sooner, rather than letting the dreadful downward spiral take hold.

I'm more honest with others now. I tell them when I'm struggling, rather than masking everything and pretending all is okay when it absolutely is not. I don't shut myself away in my misery but try to maintain connection.

With loved ones who trigger me, I'm learning to pause - to not respond immediately, to leave the situation if needed, to practice, to focus on breathing and being present within myself, practicing self-kindness. There are fewer blow-ups now.

Some people aren't quite sure how to deal with this new version of me. Sometimes I have to be very firm about my practice time being non-negotiable. I'm even learning to say no to some requests - though not often enough, and not with enough conviction yet. But I'm getting there.

What Hasn't Changed (And What Has)

Our life remains super complex. The sheer volume of what we're managing triggers frequent flare-ups. I can't honestly say the frequency has changed.

But what has changed is how I respond. When I have a flare-up or fall sick from running my tank empty, I'm much better at simply slowing down and allowing recuperative time. I'm learning that rest isn't weakness; it's wisdom.

My Message to You

If you're on the fence about joining the Pain to Peace program, just do it. You won't regret it. It's a life changer.

I fell into this program at the last minute. If I'd had more time, I probably would have overthought it and found heaps of reasons not to commit. I'm so grateful I didn't give myself that chance.

The program gave me something I didn't even know I was missing: not a cure for pain, but a way to live with it that doesn't destroy me. A community of women who understand. A practice that grounds me. And slowly, gradually, permission to be human, to be imperfect, to be enough exactly as I am.

The pain hasn't gone away. But I've found peace within it. And that has made all the difference. Lorraine, Pain to Peace participant - Oct 2024

Find out more about the From Pain to Peace eight-week program.

—Lorraine, Pain to Peace participant